It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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