are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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