we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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