Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
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You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
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I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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