There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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