can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
