You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
