you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
