he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
