Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
