Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
