I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
