I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
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