it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
