The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
