She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
