my mouth tastes like poor choices
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
