Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just pee around me
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
