just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
