this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
How external is "for external use only"?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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