i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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