when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
