i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
