I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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