Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
