Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
