my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
