I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I have tasted many bathrooms
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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