I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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