he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
