I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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