can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize