So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
