Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
