I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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