so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I enjoy the company of your penis
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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