my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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