I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I don't think brook has ever known best
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
