i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
