Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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