at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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