Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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