weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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