Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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