can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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