She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.