Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
We should try that some time.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds