I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
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The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
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We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.