I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?