maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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