worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
