Soap is not a condiment
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
