He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
this is an emotional support booty call
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
