I CAN MOONWALK!
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
