She is in my trunk
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
