First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
