you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
