I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
